IVF and counselling
Every experience of fertility treatment is unique. There is no one-size-fits-all, and there is also no right or wrong when it comes to your fertility journey! The thoughts and emotions that you experience may be very different to those of others. Counselling can be helpful for individuals and couples to process and reflect on their experiences, hopes and fears whilst undergoing fertility treatment.
Your first IVF cycle
For some people, starting their first IVF cycle can feel like stepping into the unknown. You may have spent months or years trying to conceive, having tests, attending appointments and waiting for answers. Now there is finally a plan, but having a plan doesn't necessarily make the uncertainty disappear. There might be excitement, hope and relief. There might also be fear, uncertainty and a whole lot of questions. You may find yourself reading everything you can about your medication, your protocol, follicles, embryos, success rates and what every sensation in your body might mean. You may be Googling late at night, trying to understand what is happening and what might happen next.
You may be trying to understand a new medical language while navigating medication, injections, scans and appointments. You might be working out how to fit treatment around your job, relationships and everyday life. You may feel as though your calendar — and your thoughts — have suddenly been taken over by fertility treatment. There can also be an enormous emotional investment in that first cycle. You may find yourself imagining what life could look like if this works. Perhaps you're allowing yourself to think about pregnancy for the first time in a long time.
And then fear can creep in. What if I get my hopes up? What if something goes wrong? What if there aren't enough eggs? What if there are no embryos? What if the transfer doesn't work? What if I get a negative result? You may feel as though you're trying to protect yourself from disappointment before you even know whether there will be one.
Counselling can give you somewhere to talk through these competing emotions without being told to “stay positive” or to stop worrying. You can be hopeful and frightened, excited and overwhelmed, grateful and angry. There is room for all of it.
When it isn't your first time: The second, third or subsequent cycle can feel very different
Going through IVF again isn't necessarily the same as starting for the first time. You know more about what is involved. You may know what the injections feel like, what the appointments are like and what happens during egg collection or embryo transfer. But knowing the process doesn't necessarily make it easier.
If a previous cycle hasn't worked, you may be carrying disappointment, grief or anger into the next one. You may be frightened to become hopeful again because you know what it feels like when hope turns into disappointment. You might find yourself thinking: “I can't go through this again.” Or: “I have to believe this time will be different.” And then feel bad for whatever it was you were thinking in the first place!
You may feel exhausted by the physical and emotional demands of treatment, while also feeling that you have to keep going because this might be your chance. Perhaps your relationship has been affected. Perhaps sex has become associated with ovulation, timing or treatment rather than intimacy. Perhaps work colleagues don't understand why you need time away. Perhaps friends' pregnancies and babies have become difficult to be around.
And there may be another layer that is difficult to talk about: how many more times can you do this?
Counselling can provide somewhere to explore the accumulated impact of fertility treatment rather than treating each cycle as though it exists in isolation, and to help think about life outside of fertility.
When fertility treatment ends: What happens when there isn't another appointment to prepare for?
Sometimes the most difficult part comes after treatment. Perhaps IVF has been successful and you're moving into pregnancy carrying years of fertility difficulties, uncertainty or previous loss with you. Perhaps treatment hasn't worked. Perhaps you've experienced repeated unsuccessful cycles, a miscarriage following treatment or a decision that continuing treatment is no longer possible or right for you. Or perhaps you've reached a point where you are asking yourself whether you want to continue.
There can be a strange emptiness when treatment stops. Your life may have revolved around appointments, medication, results and the next step for so long that you're suddenly left asking:
“What now?”
You may be grieving a future you had imagined, trying to make decisions about whether to continue, considering other routes to parenthood, or beginning to contemplate a life that looks different from the one you had planned.
You don't have to know the answer immediately.
Counselling can provide space to grieve what has happened, explore what you want now and begin to think about your future without rushing you towards a decision.
How can fertility counselling help? A place where you don't have to make it sound okay
Fertility treatment can be difficult to explain to people who haven't experienced it.
You may be tired of being told to stay positive, relax or “just see what happens”. You may not need reassurance. You may simply need somewhere that understands why this matters so much.
In counselling, we can talk about whatever is present for you.
That might mean exploring anxiety about treatment, fear of failure, the pressure you feel to remain hopeful, grief from previous unsuccessful cycles or losses, anger towards your body, difficulties in your relationship, the impact of treatment on intimacy, or the effect of fertility treatment on work and everyday life.
We might talk about how you are coping with uncertainty, how you respond when people around you become pregnant, what happens when you see pregnancy announcements or how you manage questions from family and friends.
We can also explore the bigger questions that fertility treatment can bring up: Who am I if this doesn't work? What happens if I don't become a parent? How do I decide whether to keep trying? What would it mean to stop? What do I want my life to look like?
There is no particular agenda you have to follow.
You don't have to navigate fertility treatment alone
Counselling can be useful before treatment starts, during a cycle, between cycles or after treatment has ended.
Sometimes having a regular space throughout treatment can be helpful because you don't have to begin again from the beginning every time something changes.
My role isn't to replace your medical or fertility team. It is to provide a separate space to explore the emotional experience of what you're going through.
Fertility counselling in Birmingham and online
I'm Keturah, a BACP-registered counsellor and Advanced Pregnancy & Baby Loss Practitioner, with specialist experience supporting people through fertility difficulties, IVF, IUI, miscarriage, pregnancy loss and the emotional impact of trying to become a parent.
My approach is integrative and trauma-informed. Counselling with me is somewhere you can be honest about what this experience is actually like for you. You can bring the hope, fear, anger, grief, excitement, uncertainty and also the questions you may not yet know how to answer.
Thinking about counselling?
You don't need to know exactly what you need before you get in touch. If you're starting IVF, preparing for another cycle, struggling after unsuccessful treatment or trying to work out what life looks like after fertility treatment, we can talk about whether counselling might be helpful. Contact me for an initial conversation.
Please see my FAQs for any other questions you may have.
Fertility and IVF counselling in Birmingham and online.
If you've conceived following previous miscarriage or pregnancy loss, you may also find my page about pregnancy after loss helpful.
Miscarriage & pregnancy loss counselling
If fertility treatment has been followed by miscarriage or pregnancy loss, you can read more about counselling after loss.
Life transitions
If you're now thinking about what life looks like after fertility treatment, you may also want to explore counselling for life transitions.
